Number Five-How to Permanently Scar Your Child

My first day off and I may or may not have scarred my child for life.

I thought that it would be brilliant to get my LM's blood drawn since I had a day off and then I figured I would take him to the water park after so we could end the day on a high note.

Let's begin at the Dr office.  My LM was happily going along, talking to the nurses, eating bananas and smiling.  Then entered The Nurse.  I specifically told them it was a pediatric draw.  She looked like she was here for the convicts of death row blood draw.  She had me hold him while she wrapped that wretched band around his little arm.  My LM looked up at her and smiled his toothy grin.  Not even so much as a wink from The Nurse.  Enter The Needle.  The Nurse didn't seem to realize that this was a 12 month old child.  She poked him, missed, poked again, missed, poked again.  I swear to you that if I hadn't had my arms full of a screaming little boy I would have decked her and laid her out.  Meanwhile my LM is looking at me like, "What on Earth did I do to deserve this?!?!  I promise I will fix whatever it is that I did wrong Mommy, just make the mean lady stop!"  When The Nurse finally got the needle in I took a look at the tubes.  Four tubes of blood.  FOUR.  And not the baby size either.  The adult size.  The Huge Convict of Death Row tubes.  CRAZY!!!  After we got done The Nurse took off the band and left the room without saying anything.  After 10 minutes she yelled from down the hall, "You aren't still in there are you? "

Awesome.

Well at least I have the water park.  

We headed on over and had an awesome time.  The LM loves the water.  He loves splashing and socializing and today we introduced slides.  He did pretty well with the little kids slides so I looked around to see if there was a family type slide.  Not one where the tube could tip over or anything but something we could do together.  As I was looking at the map a family came and told me that they were taking their 18 month old on a certain ride.  They assured me that it was really mellow and family friendly.  Away we go.  Up, up, up we went.  We got there and boarded the giant raft.  They told me I couldn't put him on my lap, that he had to sit next to me.  Yellow Flag going up.  Then, as we are about to go the helper person said, "Alright, make sure he hangs onto the rope."  Before I could say, "He doesn't understand what that means!" we were off!  Mellow is NOT how I would describe it.  After the first 4 foot drop and my son screaming and trying desperately to get into my arms, I decided to never again trust another human.  EVER.  Especially 8 1/2 month pregnant lady who is hauling her 18 month old son up 12 flights of stairs to take him and herself down the raft of doom.

I may have wanted to deck her too.

I also may have gained the 12 pounds at "Sweet Tomatoes".

Yup, I am totally Mother of the Year