9.30.2011

Number Seven-My Husband is Coming

My Handsome Husband is coming to visit.

Now you may be thinking that this is odd but I am an actor, he is an actor.  Sometimes that means we have to live apart.

We don't enjoy it and it can be especially difficult for him since he misses out on so many things with the LM.  Those were my rules though.  I grow the LM inside of me, I get to have him when we have to be apart.  I get the stretch marks but I also get to clean up the poop, vomit and urine.

Wait a minute.....

So my HH is coming for a visit.  Now the housing I am staying in is provided by the Company that hired me.  It is a step above ghetto, but it's free.  Needless to say it makes cleaning the apartment nearly impossible.  You can add all the spices you want to crap soup but you are still eating crap.

Instead of accepting this fact I decided to really clean like I have never cleaned before.  I mean, I got out the toothbrush to clean in corners, the sponge and bucket to scrub the floors and the spray bottle for the trash cans.  I cleaned for about 5 hours.

I took a before and after photo.

They looked the same.

9.29.2011

Number Six-Know When To Stop, Wal-Mart Lady

To anyone who mistakes the gender of a baby:

Know when to stop.

So I was in Wal-Mart with the LM.  Now I HATE Wal-Mart.  I was there against my will.  I know plenty of people who love Wal-Mart and enjoying saving money.  This is not a post about exploitation and corruption so don't start getting your undies in a twist.

This is about knowing when to stop.

As I was walking around with the LM, who looks like a BOY (a very boyish boy), a Wal-Mart employee stopped and cooed at my son.  I'm used to it.  He's adorable and loves to smile.  Then the employee turns to me and says, "What an adorable little girl!"  Okay, that's fine.  He's young, wearing yellow and white, no biggie.  "Actually he's a boy, but thank you!  I certainly think so."

Employee looks at me.  "Wow, he sure looks like a girl."

Me: "Well, he definitely a boy"

Employee: "Are you sure?"

I walked away.

9.28.2011

Number Five-How to Permanently Scar Your Child

My first day off and I may or may not have scarred my child for life.

I thought that it would be brilliant to get my LM's blood drawn since I had a day off and then I figured I would take him to the water park after so we could end the day on a high note.

Let's begin at the Dr office.  My LM was happily going along, talking to the nurses, eating bananas and smiling.  Then entered The Nurse.  I specifically told them it was a pediatric draw.  She looked like she was here for the convicts of death row blood draw.  She had me hold him while she wrapped that wretched band around his little arm.  My LM looked up at her and smiled his toothy grin.  Not even so much as a wink from The Nurse.  Enter The Needle.  The Nurse didn't seem to realize that this was a 12 month old child.  She poked him, missed, poked again, missed, poked again.  I swear to you that if I hadn't had my arms full of a screaming little boy I would have decked her and laid her out.  Meanwhile my LM is looking at me like, "What on Earth did I do to deserve this?!?!  I promise I will fix whatever it is that I did wrong Mommy, just make the mean lady stop!"  When The Nurse finally got the needle in I took a look at the tubes.  Four tubes of blood.  FOUR.  And not the baby size either.  The adult size.  The Huge Convict of Death Row tubes.  CRAZY!!!  After we got done The Nurse took off the band and left the room without saying anything.  After 10 minutes she yelled from down the hall, "You aren't still in there are you? "

Awesome.

Well at least I have the water park.  

We headed on over and had an awesome time.  The LM loves the water.  He loves splashing and socializing and today we introduced slides.  He did pretty well with the little kids slides so I looked around to see if there was a family type slide.  Not one where the tube could tip over or anything but something we could do together.  As I was looking at the map a family came and told me that they were taking their 18 month old on a certain ride.  They assured me that it was really mellow and family friendly.  Away we go.  Up, up, up we went.  We got there and boarded the giant raft.  They told me I couldn't put him on my lap, that he had to sit next to me.  Yellow Flag going up.  Then, as we are about to go the helper person said, "Alright, make sure he hangs onto the rope."  Before I could say, "He doesn't understand what that means!" we were off!  Mellow is NOT how I would describe it.  After the first 4 foot drop and my son screaming and trying desperately to get into my arms, I decided to never again trust another human.  EVER.  Especially 8 1/2 month pregnant lady who is hauling her 18 month old son up 12 flights of stairs to take him and herself down the raft of doom.

I may have wanted to deck her too.

I also may have gained the 12 pounds at "Sweet Tomatoes".

Yup, I am totally Mother of the Year


9.27.2011

Number Four-Light at the End of the Tunnel

I am almost finished.  

Part of the joy of being an actor is that your hours (while in show) are pretty limited.  My hours are easy and I get to spend a whole lot of time with the Little Man.  Pretty awesome setup.  Being that we are living across the country from my Handsome Husband right now, I am super grateful for the amount of time that I get to be with our boy.

Enter rehearsal.

Rehearsal times are SUPER busy.  Lots of work and lots of long days.  6-7 days a week and 8-12 hours a day.  For 4 weeks.

But now they are done.  I just finished the last show of MY work week and I am looking at two gorgeous days ahead of me with nothing to do but enjoy my handsome Little Man.

I also may or may not go gain 12 pounds at "Sweet Tomatoes" in celebration.

9.26.2011

Number Three-My Child is the Screamer

I got up this morning, got the little man ready, got all of the "stuff" (ie bottles, food, blankie, diapers, wipes, toys, books, is case he pees clothes), dropped him and all the "stuff" off at the babysitters, got to work, did my two shows, picked up my little guy and all his "stuff' and then it was off to the event that is grocery shopping.

Now my son can definitely walk.  He is a great walker.  But he is only 12 months old so he is an awful listener.  He loves to go around and pick every item off of each shelf.  Thus, he sits in the cart.  I've timed it.  I have 20 minutes to do a week's worth of shopping before the screaming starts.  That 20 minutes is full of me talking to him and listening him talk back, singing to him, giving him the snacks I have packed and playing race car with him.  Usually I can make it through and get the entire shopping trip done and still have a happy camper.  Not today.

I blame the Pumpkin Puree.  First off, they were all out of Spaghetti Squash.  Okay, I can deal.  Then they were out of hummus.  Annoying, but I have chick peas at home and olive oil and garlic.  I will just make my own.  It was the Pumpkin Puree that threw me.  I was DETERMINED that I would find it.  I went up and down each aisle at least 5 times.  Then I asked a clerk.

They are out.

The second time around the aisles is when it started.  My lovely son has found that he enjoys screaming. Not when he's angry or sad.  When he's bored.  It's a sound that rivals the best B Horror movie heroines. My philosophy is to ignore the bad and lavish on the praise of the good choices.  For now.

So he screamed.

I ignored.

People stared.

My child, the screamer

9.25.2011

Number Two-Naturally

I will readily admit to one and all that I am a bit on the crunchy side when it comes to child raising.

Crunchy, you know, granola.

I tend to look to the natural, organic, holistic/homeopathic way of life more than the current norm.  I know that my style is my style and I am not trying to be an advocate for anything except perhaps laughing more at yourself and the journey that is parenthood.  Today my son gave me reason to pause and rethink my love for the all natural way of life and also a good reason to laugh.  

After church this afternoon we came home and I got him out of his little white button up collared onesie (thank you mom, it's super cute on him!) and went in to the room to grab a cloth diaper and some comfy clothes for the little man.  I heard a "rrriiippp, rrriipppp" followed by a giggle.  My baby boy has recently found out how to take off his diaper and he relishes doing just that.  I figured it couldn't hurt him to run around naked for a second while I grabbed his clothes so I just kept on my way.  Then came the silence. I am certain if you have a child you know what I am talking about.  The silence means that unequivocally your child is doing something he or she should not.  I rushed back into the room to find my little love standing bare naked in front of our giant sliding glass window (which faces the street), staring at the people walking by.  I glanced down just in time to see the pool of his number one at his feet and the drop, drop, dropping of his number two all over my carpet.


He waved at the people and turned to me and smiled.


Naturally.

9.24.2011

Number 1-Laundry and Life

I currently have seven piles of clothes in my bedroom.

I am telling you that because my house, for the most part, looks clean. To any random visitor or friend stopping by everything has a place and is fairly put together. My one year old is bathed, has on a clean cloth diaper, full tummy of organic almond milk, and off in sleepy land. I came home from rehearsals, put all of my attention on my little man and once he fell asleep I cleaned up and prepared for tomorrow before getting ready for bed myself. The house LOOKS good. Just don't enter my bedroom.

Each of those laundry piles has a reason. There's the dirty laundry pile, the clean but need to be folded cloth diapers, the clean but need to be sorted clothes, the sorted but need to be hung up pile, the Goodwill area, dry clean only (that may have to wait yet another year) and finally the hand wash items.

I feel like this may be how my life is. Looks good on the outside but the inside is just various degrees of mess. Organized mess. Method to my madness mess.

But hey, it's MY mess, right? I know where all those piles are and what they do.

Get ready, world, it's laundry day!!!